One of the big ideas going around in the birth and babies community these days is "watch your language." The idea is that the words you choose impact the way people think, and therefore, you should choose words that support your beliefs. I have been really mindful lately of watching my language. I'll share some examples here.

Delivery - Rather than saying your doctor or midwife "delivered" your baby, I choose to say "caught." The mother is the one who does the delivering. She does all the hard work, after all. The doctor, midwife, or support person catches your baby (and sometimes, mothers deliver AND catch their babies).

Circumcision - Many people choose to say that a baby is intact, rather than uncircumcised. Because being intact is the natural state of things, the focus is on how a baby's body is, not how it isn't. The emphasis is on the normal state of being.

Breastfeeding - Instead of saying "breastmilk is best," I try hard to say, "breastmilk is normal." I understand and respect that there are many women who cannot breastfeed and must use formula. However, to promote breastfeeding as a normal way of life (and encourage more women to breastfeed), many breastfeeding advocates choose to consider breastfeeding the baseline, and acknowledge the risks of not breastfeeding. Again, the emphasis is on the normal.

Extended breastfeeding - This is a personal one to me. My son is currently 16 months and we are "still" breastfeeding. I am working personally on dropping the "still" from my language, and saying only, "We are breastfeeding." Similarly, instead of calling this "extended" breastfeeding, I am working on remembering to say "term breastfeeding" or just "breastfeeding." (Term as in, "full term" - as long as is normal and natural.)

For me, this extends to my everyday life, not just my birth work. I try to be more mindful when I say things, ask questions, or offer suggestions. Being an advocate for babies and mamas has helped me see where I need to improve my "language."

To read more, visit Peaceful Parenting's blog post about breastfeeding language: http://www.drmomma.org/2010/04/watch-your-language.html

One of the most important things for a family to remember is that plans can change. Almost never does a birth go exactly as expected. After all, babies are people too, and they have their own needs, wants, and agendas. While I encourage clients to write a birth plan, I also encourage families to put on their birth plan, "We understand that things can change, and decisions may need to be made to protect the safety of mother and baby" - or something to that effect.

Sometimes, I will encourage a mama to ask her care provider about a range of scenarios, such as what to expect in the case of an induction, an epidural, or a c-section. While most of my clients work to achieve a natural, unmedicated birth, it's important in the emotional preparation to understand what might happen, and how to handle that. Nobody wants a mama to get to a point where she needs medical intervention, and for that mama to say, "But nobody told me." Lack of knowledge can make someone feel scared, out of control, angry, or helpless. None of those are feelings you want on your baby's birth day!

There are cases in which the baby's "plan" for itself is simply preventing progress from happening. If the baby is poorly positioned, not descending into the birth canal, or if there is a mysterious fever, for example - these are cases in which the plan needs to change so that we can have a safe, happy delivery. Sometimes, the plan changes because of a desired outcome - if the mama wishes to deliver with her midwife but is approaching 42 weeks (where most midwives must transfer care back to an OB), we may discuss induction techniques. There are, of course, emergent cases as well. Those must be handled quickly to assure a positive outcome for all involved.

There are also times when mama chooses a different path for herself. After hours of painful back labor, for example, a mama may simply need a break. This isn't considered "giving up" - it's about knowing your limitations and doing the very best you can! A mama may realize she no longer wants any family in the delivery room, or that she wishes to use positions she previously thought she'd hate. She may decide that an hour of bonding isn't enough, and the family needs to wait longer to meet the new arrival. Or she may find that breastfeeding is unsuccessful for the first few days and she needs to pump breastmilk and bottle feed until a problem is corrected. None of these are bad changes, simply a difference in the plan.

The most important point I try to make with my clients is that, while we will try hard to provide you with the birth experience that you seek, there are on guarantees in life. This is never more true than in birth. Babies, healthcare providers, families, mothers' bodies - they all work together in a dance, and when one element proves to be "sticky," plans change. If you plan on your plan changing, you will be well prepared to handle labor.

I will be blogging periodically to address potential birth experiences that families may need to be prepared for, interventions you may expect, and general birth-y "stuff."